Funny Stories

> Story: 1

> A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found CEO
> standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
> "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document,
> and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" Certainly," said
> the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and
> pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO. As his
> paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
> Lesson I - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything
>
> Story: 2
> A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window:
> "I want to open a damn checking account." To which the astonished woman
> replies: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did
> you say?" "Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account
> right now!" "I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of
> language in this bank." Having said this, the teller leaves the window and
> goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her problem customer.
>
> They both return and the manager asks the old geezer: "What seems to be
> the problem here?" "There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly man says.
> "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn
> checking account in this damn bank!" "I see," says the manager
> thoughtfully. And you're saying that this bitch here is giving you a hard
> time?"
> Lesson II - If you are RICH, you can get away with almost anything.
>
> Story: 3
> An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when
> the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of ese are you?"
> Confused, the Japanese replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you
> mean." The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the
> Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then
> yelled, "What kind of -ese are you...Are you a Chinese,
> Japanese,Vietnamese !, etc......??? " The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a
> Japanese." A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked
> what kind of 'key' was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean
> what kind of '-key' am I?!" The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkey,
> or monkey?"
> Lesson III - Never insult anyone.
>
> Story: 4
> There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, a British and a French, who
> found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie
> appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he
> said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a
> wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the
> pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
>
> The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted
> "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman
> was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian's turn,
> he did the same andshouted," VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of
> vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so
> contented with his beer pool. The last is the British. He was running
> towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped
> towards the pool and shouted, SHIT!!!!!!!. ........"
> Lesson IV - Think twice before you say something, because sometimes what
> you say accidentally does happen.

Story: 5
> A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a
> meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They
> rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is
> granted
> three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each" So the
> eager
> senior manager shouts, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas,
> on a fast boat and have no worries for a month. "Pfufffff, and he is gone.
> Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouts, "I want to be in
> Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails for a month."
> "Pfufffff, and he is also gone. Then it's the boss's turn, and he says
> calmly, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch"
> Lesson V- "Always allow the bosses to speak first".